My detour into deep healing began on a warm sunny July day. It problably should have started early but that was before I was paying attention.
I remember the day clearly. My husband, son and I were enjoying a day of boating and salt water taffy. My husband was driving. My son was sitting in the front seat and I was holding on in the back seat. You see I am afraid of water and I do not know how to swim. But it was a calm, quiet day and all was good. As we slowly made our way out of a no wake zone, a jet skier collided into the side of our boat. It all happened quickly and because I was focused on my son, I had not seen it happened. So blessed for that. After the impact, the scene was unreal. Everything moved in slow motion. We found ourselves in a nighmare with no help as all jet skiers fled the scene and other boaters kept their distance.
Eventually, after dialing 911, my husband jumped into the water to rescue the jet skier who was unresponsive. Finally, another boat came to our rescue and one of the occupants jumped onto our boat to help us pull the jet skier onto the swim platform. Having been given persmission by dispatch, we took off to the closest dock as fast as we could.
Fast forward...the jet skier did not survive his injuries, I had a severely bruised hip and shoulder and my son a minor concussion. Then three months later I found myself unable to breathe. Unable to leave my home. My should injury was not healing and sleep was non-existent.
Friends and family slowly stepped away, some without a word, others due to lack of understanding or concern. I was either ignored or told to get over it and that I could not have PTSD because I had never been in the military.
I no longer had the energy to explain to people how I was feeling and started to focus on my survival.
Being in a car became absolutely terrifying as I felt everyone was going to hit me. I was on constant high alert and never felt safe.
Desperate for relief and understanding, I reached out to doctors who only wanted to prescribe medication after medication. As side affects popped up, I was prescribed even more medication and was told it was the way it was going to be. It was my only choice.
I eventually began therapy because no one understood what was happening to me, not even myself. Finding someone to talk to was refereshing and it allowed me the space to process what had happened. It didn't take long to understand that my PTSD was not just the result of the boating accident and injury but a combination of also losing my father, getting divorced, raising my son, co-parenting, remarrying, recovering from illness and simply trying to manage too much. My body and mind were exhausted and I needed deep rest.
Being uncomfortable with all the medication, I eventually stepped away from the Western way and slowly dove into the world of Yoga, Mindfulness, Ayurveda and Reiki. For me, I had this longing to befriend my trauma and to heal at the root.
Stepping out of the box of labels and away from what was considered normal was definitely scary. I was judged and ridiculed. However, choosing a natural approach left me feeling free, brave, strong and inspired. It was a breath of fresh air. A coming home to absolute love and truth.
For the first time in my life, I had space to be me and to be an active participant in my healing, making choices that felt safe for me and not being judged.
I remember driving to my first breathwork workshop all by myself. I am still so proud of myself,especially since it was quite a distance from my home and not in a city I was familiar with. After that, I kept challenging myself and drove myself to a 12 day silent meditation retreat in the middle of no where in a different state, then to my first reiki training and eventually enrolling in my first yoga teacher training to ayurvedic yoga therapy training to meditation training.
To this day, I continue to be a student, learning, growing and becoming even stronger than before.
The science of mindfulness, yoga and ayurveda have taught me so many valuable lessons.
I have learned the importance of curiousity and to keep my mind open to endless possibilities.
I have come to understand that life is not meant to be easy and that our challenges "blessings in diguise" are what grow appreciation and gratitude.
Through Ayurveda, I learned to be myself.
I learned to say NO and that healthy boundaries is a crucial and necessary piece to loving yourself and others.
I learned healing was my own responsible and that no one else could do the work for me.
I stop pretending, avoiding and blaming and instead faced my fears one by one.
I learned to let go of excuses. After all, I am the creator of my reality.
I learned to love me unconditionally and recognized we are all perfect when we can be ourself.
I started living from my heart and not how others wanted me to.
I learned to stand alone and create my own way.
I began to recongize healthy relationships from toxic relationships.
I started to see beauty in everything.
Best of all, I finally grew into my true self; Raw, Real and Beautiful.
However, as wonderful as that all was, truth is, healing can be extremely lonely. It can leave you feeling invisble, unloveable. It can also leave you feeling overwhelmed, scared and ashamed. And when you have limited outside support of family and friends, it's super easy to feel completely lost.
So I did what I needed to do, for me, for you.
1) I began, what I call, "planting seeds" a simple daily self care ritual that held me accountable and kept me focused on what mattered most. This non-negotiable daily practice saved me and has now become the foundation of everything I am.
Read about planting seeds below and prepare a bowl for yourself.
2) I began Mindful Living, a sanctuary for healing, rest and wellness, aligned to mama earth. A safe place for others to heal and grow at their own pace, in their own way, without judgement.